Easter this weekend. Holidays usually aren’t very important to me. I don’t even mark my birthday and Christmas is really overblown. But I like what Easter is about. New life, and awakening. Last year about this time I had no job, bad health problems, no respect(self or otherwise), no insurance, living in a rundown trailer park out in the country. Oh yeah, and my car was repossessed(by the devil). The only real difference between me and Job in the Bible was that I didn’t have a wife to curse me and kids to lose. I was totally hiding, living in isolation. I didn’t think I had long to live. This Easter I have a job, my health is a lot better, I’m 100 pounds lighter(working out like crazy), my self respect is coming back, and I live in a real house. I’ve also written some decent short stories and poetry. I still don’t have any health coverage, or a car. So my life is a work in progress, but I feel as though God gave me the opportunity to go another round with life, and I’m taking it. I’ve got a way to go, but I’ve decided that life is “doable”. My goal: I want to find a partner to be with for the rest of my life, and get a car. …Probably the car should come first.
I feel like Judas in the last post below. Broken, unforgiven, and on my way to commit suicide. Somehow, I was distracted along the way. Somewhere down the line, I quit fighting myself and hating what I was, and decided to love who I Am, instead of destroying him.
I AM Judas,
I AM Jesus.
I AM resurrection,
I AM suicide.
I AM love,
I AM loathing.
I AM the cornerstone,
I AM the stone that the builders rejected.
I AM the abomination of desolation,
I AM first among the beloved.
I AM that I AM,
And that’s all that I AM,
For I AM his, and he is mine.
So said the Shulamite.
(Song of Solomon)
CRY,CRY FOR THE BELOVED
My love cried to me,
Come away, come away with me.
And I would not.
I stood at the gates of the city
and cried for my beloved.
The watchmen struck me with their staffs.
Wounded, I left through the gates,
and searched for my love. In the darkness
I found him who my heart desires.