Some of the comments I received for the Super Saturday post were illuminating and sobering. One wrote that “real women never fake orgasms”. There was a barely detectable undertone of fierce integrity that got my attention. Response noted with respect and polite interest. A few fellows responded that they had faked it a time or two.
I had to rethink this subject.
I cast back in my mind and realized that there was indeed a time when I faked it, too. I was married at the time to Vera, and while we had slowed down from twice or three times a day to a more sustainable pace, making love only once a day, my work was cut out for me. I don’t even remember the day it occurred(or didn’t occur), but I remember thinking, “I just can’t do this tonight.”
So I went through the act, moaning loudly and flopping around, hoping she wouldn’t notice. Although I suspect she knew, she let it go. She was tired, too. Isn’t it funny? Now, I love a really good mind blowing orgasm as much as the next fellow. You know the kind, where you go blind and you can’t remember where you are. But for a few of my most memorable experiences, I was just there enjoying the show, so to speak. I love good entertainment. I’m a lot more relaxed about such things nowadays.
But when I researched, I came up with some sobering facts. I’m troubled for the lads over in England.
AND THE SURVEY SAID
The Mirror did a survey. Of young men aged 18 to 34, a whopping 42% have faked it. However, the gals still win on this one. They report that a full 58% have bamboozled their way through a night of bad sex.
There’s a whole list of reasons that women give to explain this.
In an article for a Yale publication a journalist did extensive interviews on this subject.
1. Sympathy-One woman said, “He’s down there, working away to beat the band, and the band just isn’t playing. I didn’t have the heart.”
2. Absent minded-They started thinking about shopping. Sometimes that’s enough to send a girl over the edge.”I could get that Distressed Denim jacket. OH YES, YES, GOD YES!”.
3. Organizing- Getting caught up in planning their day. To be fair, Goethe, the German poet and philosopher used to sketch out rough drafts of his poems, while having sex with a prostitute. He wrote that he would write with his finger on her back. I guess that was the only place that wasn’t occupied.
4. Philosophical fakery- That’s when they start looking concerned and questioning, and just gently moan a time or two. They do this because they really don’t have a clue what’s happening to them.
FAKING IT IN THE ANIMAL KINGDOM
Swedish scientists have found that 69 out of 117 times, the girl trout fibbed to the boy trout. The scientists tell us that if it’s not going right for the lady trout, she just quits, but the boy trout is so excited, she simply lets him go on ahead by himself.
THERE ARE COMPETITIONS FOR FAKING IT
In 2003, Kate Klein at the SexShow at the Skydome won out over several competitors to become the Fake Orgasm Queen. The Host and Emcee of the show said, “She really had them going.” I’ll bet.
I read the work of one feminist scholar,Bette-Jane Raphael, who questions if any man has ever had an orgasm. She hold that it’s just part of the “Male Mystique”.
Our Yale correspondent felt a need to give the men equal attention here.The truth is, women seem to have a little more fun with the whole subject than the guys. We seem to have a real work ethic going here.
One fellow, appalled, said, “We’ll just try and try again until we get it right.” That’s sweet.
Another fellow, when interviewed, reported that no one had ever faked it with him. When asked to substantiate, he stated that he knew because he had asked them. I think he’s an Evangelical.
Yet a third, a less “sensitive” type, is reported to have said, “Who cares? It’s a race to see who gets their cookies off first, anyway.” You’ve got to wonder how many second dates he gets.
I have a thought. Let’s just have fun with each other. Have a great orgasm this week. If you can’t do that, have fun anyhow.