March 16, 2006, and Liza Minnelli was guesting on Larry King Live.
Aging Homo’s all over the world were riveted to their TV’s.
Angry Evangelicals were holding prayer vigils, gathering in living rooms across the country to burn Liza dolls in effigy.
As one can imagine, a night of Spiritual Warfare. Angels dressed as Cabaret dancers warring in the Heavenlies, light sabers at the ready.
Liza was still lovely, although after two hip replacements and a couple of husbands, she’s looking a bit grandmotherly these days.
After the usual guest/host blather, the time came for Larry and Liza to field callers. A female viewer calls in to ask a loaded question. You could hear the tension in the her voice.
“Are you a Christian?” All kinds of accusatory overtones in the caller’s voice, sounding like a pot of poisoned honey.
Liza learned how to side step this kind of stuff when she was in the cradle, however. She simply smiled sweetly, answering in a chirpy, happy voice, “Why, yes! I’m Episcopalian!”She then sat back, beaming.
Larry King frowned.
Silence on the caller line.
Lisa continued beaming. I almost expected her to start talking about last weeks Pot Luck Supper for the women’s Missionary Circle, and wasn’t the green bean Salad delicious?
But she just beamed.
On the caller line, you could faintly hear springs coming loose in the woman’s head, as the top of her head began to bubble.
Liza Can’t Be a Christian.
After all, her dad was gay, her mom chased her drugs with alcohol, and Liza’s had her own problems in that area, and she’s been married to several homaseckshuls. To top it all off, she made sexy movies for which she never tearfully repented.
Liza just smiled right on,
like she was patiently waiting for the caller to get it.
I got the feeling it might take a while.
But it was a great moment.