ERNESTO PART II

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Continued…
A couple of months before, I had “friended” ErNesto on a whim, thinking I might meet him the next time I got down to Tucson. It never worked out that I was able to get down to Tucson for a fun weekend, so we never got together.
To tell the truth, when I saw his e mail sitting in my inbox, I assumed he was writing to ask me to justify asking him to be my “friend”. It surprised me when he told me he was upset and that he needed to chat with someone “out of the loop”.
So we chatted. It was an exercise in frustration. On my end, I was having a hectic time at work, which hardly ever happens. On Ernesto’s end, he was getting booted off line regularly because of time limitations that the public library places on it’s patrons. In spite of it all we did manage to communicate a little bit until my creaky old “Grandma” computer froze up, necessitating a hard reboot. By the time I was back up and online, Ernesto had given up on me, and was now off line.
I couldn’t quit thinking about him, as we hadn’t come to any resolution together. I hated to think of him walking the streets in that condition.
But I should have had more confidence in my new friend.
Next day, when I went online, there was another e mail from ‘Nesto. This one however, was a complete turnaround from the despair of the day before.
Somewhere he found in himself a strength and a focused anger to fuel that strength to pull himself back up out of the pit of despair in which he had found himself.
He posted this letter to several hundred people, as he intended this to be his message to life, his statement of the terms by which he is willing to live. He gave me permission to share this part with you.

We all have to realize that our past is exactly that. It becomes a reference to all our future choices…
I’m not sure what our purpose on this world is but, it’s defeated by allowing ourselves to become a facade, a hologram of a spirit not our own. We must choose to take action and responsibility against conformity and mass production. We must choose to rise in the face of adversity. We must acknowledge the past in order to map our future. Put your mistakes on the hard drive and view them frequently to remind you that YOU are capable. Put your embarrassments in the recycle bin and empty it as soon as possible. Avoid stepping in the quicksand of shit you’re now stuck in, grab the rope and pull your mind and soul out of the prison you’ve sentenced yourself to. Take the hand of the one who’s sustained you. You are not alone, so don’t alienate the world to be a facsimile. Be your own God, be your own savior. Get off your fucking knees, wipe the cum off your lips and get a clue! Life is giving you the money shot in your left eye as you’re stabbing out the right in order to get better reception. O.K. I’m done bastards! Evil Dreams and Bad Thoughts to you all. Love, Ernesto

I love the courage, the earthiness, the intelligence, the wit and the clear eyed reality of this, the passion and toughness put into words. He’s still obviously angry, and in a lot of pain, but he’s no victim.

Ernesto, you kick ass!
*********************************************************
Latins and Lovers…

Be loved,

DEL

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3 Responses to “ERNESTO PART II”

  1. Shaney Says:

    That is very deep & quite emotional…I dont want to make assumptions but to me it comes from a very troubled mind, a mind in need of nurturing…xox

  2. Kalvin Says:

    That was great stuff, Danny Boy. I really loved the part about life giving you a money shot in the left eye. I hope Ernesto is still doing well. I know many a gay man of privilege who could take something from his struggles, and I probably should myself.

  3. Em Says:

    Somehow, when you get mad like that you engage the energy. I have always said that that line about God only giving us what we can handle really means that when we get pissed and scream, “fuck you, that is enough!” that is when it stops.

    Thanks for giving us a chance to see that energy engagement from a different angle. I feel all revved up now.–>

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