The other day I stumbled onto what is evidently the perfect pickup line, completely by accident.
*Aaron and I have been talking, getting to know each other little by little. It’s a bit like two vultures/doves circling each other in the desert, coming a tiny bit closer with each pass.
It’s been an incredible study in self discipline for me, as I’ve discovered that Aaron gets a great deal of satisfaction out controlling the pace of my advance.
Then, of course, he gets to tease me for being so slow.
Aaron: “Oh, why don’t you come around more?”
Me: “But I do come around all the time. I must just be missing you every single time. What’s your work schedule?”
Aaron: “Umm, I work all the time. So how was your Christmas?”
He’s only been working there for two months and got promoted to manager. The last manager, Roberto, was promoted and got to name his successor. I met Roberto, and I think I know at least one reason why Aaron got promoted. I suspect there was an “arrangement” between Roberto and Aaron. I don’t mind, really. I wish I had my own “arrangement” with him.
The sociology of creative labor/management relations fascinates me.
When I told him that I had foreseen that he would be manager, he visibly preened. In turn, this caused the blood to rush to my head, making me blind and dizzy, causing me to stagger for a moment.
When the roaring left my ears, Aaron was prattling along, telling me that his birthday is New Years Day, and he’s planning the blowout of the century. However, he’s quite nervous about being stopped by the police. He’s just starting to feel like his life is coming back into order, and doesn’t want anything to ruin it now that he’s getting things back on track.
This is where it gets good. I thought I was making a little joke; just a throwaway line:
Me: “Well, if you need a friend to make bail for you, you can always call me.”
I thought it was a safe offer. I’ve done a lot of crazy things in the past, but in my entire life I’ve only had to call for bail once, for not paying a traffic ticket(FYI:In Houston, the traffic courts in all the neighboring towns are hooked up on the same computer system. A ticket in Humble shows up in Houston, and you can get busted). The concept of needing friends to make bail for me isn’t in the forefront of my mind. However, great minds do not always think alike.
Aaron: “Oh, that’s so sweet. Nobody’s ever said that to me before! What’s your number again?”
At least I had the presence of mind to give him the office number, and not my home phone.
This boy’s turning out to be an expensive a date.
On the other hand, if I did make his bail, the gratitude sex could be awesome.
Who would have thought that offering to make his bail would spark a romantic interest?
Is there a Blue Book of recommended values for this kind of thing?
Where my savings went…
*Names have been changed, so I that I can always swear later that it was another person whose name starts with an “A” and who worked at the same store, on whom I had a crush.